Spike Lee’s movie Girl 6 came on a few weeks ago. Prince produced the entire soundtrack, which is all his original music–therefore it’s amazing, OBVS. The film inspired many a visual aesthetic (looking at you Little X), and made quite the splash when it came out in 1996. Enough fun facts though, what does this film have to do with my dating life you wonder? Not much other than she was also sexually liberated, and this catch-up blog will have 6 paragraphs. Let’s get into it…
If you’ll once again recall, my New Year’s resolution was to have quality sex on a regular basis. 6.5 months into the year and it’s painfully evident that I’m failing miserably. Like…do you HAVE to be in a relationship in order to secure guaranteed sex?! How hard is it to arrange and maintain a consistent fuck buddy/friends with benefits situation? It’s rough out here. This further disproves gender stereotypes because here I am, a modern woman on the prowl, and I continually encounter men who are very conservative and/or intimidated by progressive sex positivity.
Another hurdle I keep encountering is that I keep meeting men with children. Listen, I realize that people have children for a myriad of reasons. Understood. HOWEVER, I do not have children, and other than working and occasionally going out, I have time to spend with people I am interested in. Men with kids have no such time. They are seemingly always working or with their children. No fank you! It literally makes my vagina dry up thinking about dating a man who’s an active father to their kids. It’s very sweet and endearing in theory, but in practice, I lose every time. I will make no exceptions with this particular deal-breaker because I know I deserve to have my child(ren) with someone who has doesn’t already have any. There’s no point in me even entertaining fathers from this point on.
The former coworker from Redemption, who in all honesty is my sexual soulmate, I finally ended it with him last month. I had to, my instincts were telling me that the situationship was low-key toxic and would eventually leave me bitter and jaded. Finding an amazing physical connection is rare, and I wish I could’ve ignored my better judgment and really explored all of those possibilities with him but alas, he wasn’t a completely honest person. More than anything, I hate people who lie unnecessarily. For sport, if you will. So much of his life was unknown to me and for us to be so intimate on a regular basis, it didn’t compute. I had to accept that he had compartmentalized me and that I would never be allowed to see the real him. I had to prioritize my peace of mind over orgasms. Trust me, the orgasms almost won.
I’ve had the best sex of my life this year, I’ve absolutely gone through an awakening. It really is the Age of Aquarius round here! I am thankful to be 33 and to have had nearly 20 years of varied sexual experience. From my first kiss at 13 to losing my virginity at 14, to my very first orgasm at 33 with Mr. Redemption. Yes, that’s correct, almost 20 years after my utterly forgettable deflowering, I’ve finally mastered something that was ever-so-illusive to me during my 20s. I’d never been ashamed about my inability to climax because I always knew that I could and would one day. I still haven’t even gotten to double digits on that front, so please hold your applause until the end.
I don’t want to get chose! I cannot stress this enough. Last weekend an old love interest was in town and we spent time together. We met a few months after I moved to Florida, so we’ve known one another for nearly 4 years. Anyway, I initially fell fairly hard for him; the sex was amazing, he had an undeniable Midwestern swagger that I couldn’t deny. Most disarming was how freely he professed his love for me, like all the time. Constantly telling me he was going to marry me and I would have his twins (which run in his family), he even ambushed me into meeting his parents one day, which was very, very awkward. I wasn’t completely taken in because it wasn’t my first time at the rodeo, but all of it definitely softened me in ways I couldn’t suppress. Shortly before I met my now estranged husband, he and I fell out of touch, and now he travels the country with work. Fast forward to last weekend, and he’s in my car telling me how he can’t believe I married someone else, how if he can’t have me he’ll drink himself into oblivion, how he’s only ever wanted me, how I am breaking his heart by having all of the sex and being grown and free. All while crying with sunglasses on at night. Am I a coldblooded bitch that makes men cry now? Nah, not the kid, not intentionally anyway. I chalked it up to him feeling alone with his work and travel, and projecting it onto me, someone he knows will indulge him to an extent. And even now that he’s back on the road, I find that I am letting him squat on some of my emotional real estate, if for no other reason than my biological clock thinks I need a backup plan. Eventually I will have to choose SOMEONE with whom to procreate, if that is indeed my path in this life. Until that day though, I’m Prince to the bullshit.